Q:hi i'm amab trans woman and i get major chest dysphoria and i feel uncomfortable asking this to any of my friends. what does it feel like to have breasts?

Anonymous

Devon says:

This question could have a lot of different answers, depending on who’s answering it.

I’m answering this as an AFAB, non-intersex person who has gone through “typical” AFAB puberty. I have relatively small breasts (a large A cup or small B cup in US sizing) and a relatively wide band size (this is the measurement around the chest that does not include breasts). 

Since I have small breasts and a wide band size, my breasts don’t touch each other for the most part / I don’t have cleavage.

I am also underweight (not stating that I’m underweight as a positive or negative thing, it’s just what the doctor tells me when I get weighed at my annual check-up), so there is not as much fat in my breasts as most people.

There is more fat in my breasts than most other parts of my body, though. I can tell this because the outside of my breasts feels much squishier to the touch than the outside of my thighs or upper arms, for example– and I don’t exercise so it’s not because my legs and arms are muscle-y.

Here is a wikipedia diagram of a breast. The part labelled 3 (the lobules that can produce milk) is generally more solid to the touch and feels more similar to muscle tissue than fat tissue, although of course it isn’t muscle tissue– you can’t flex it or anything like that.

When it’s hot out, the undersides of my breasts get sweaty and that sweat sort of gets “trapped” against my chest. It’s like how if you are sweaty and your arm is bent for a little while, your inner elbow will become/remain sweatier than the rest of your arm. This can be uncomfortable and a little bit annoying, and after a long time out in the heat could cause a rash / irritate the skin for some folks.

Nipples are usually more sensitive to the touch than the rest of the skin on the breasts, to all types of sensation– pain, hot/cold, erotic, etc.

One or two days before my period starts, I usually notice that my breasts (and nipples) are sore to the touch, and a bit more sensitive to all sensations, and this is also the case for some but not all people who menstruate. When my period starts, my breasts usually aren’t sore at all anymore, but sometimes they still are a little bit.

When I run/jog or when I go up and down stairs (if I’m not going up/down the stairs very slowly), my breasts bounce against my chest, and this can be uncomfortable, especially if it’s for more than a few seconds. Running and going up/down stairs is painful on my breasts and quite annoying for the day or two before my period. Whether or not it’s right before my period, if I’m home alone, I hold my arms tightly crossed like an X against my chest so that my breasts don’t bounce as much when I go up/down the stairs. 

This is everything that I can think of… Send in any other questions you have about this, if I didn’t answer them! Followers and mods with different breast sizes, feel free to add on with other stuff!

Also, here are some links from within our transfeminine resources that are (at least tangentially) related to breasts and what I wrote above:

Q:Kind of time sensitive- my teacher is giving us an assignment to write a letter introducing ourselves, and in it you have to include pronouns. Ive only started thinking about they/them pronouns very recentley, and i dont know how i will explain myself if anyone asks me why i picked them. Im freaking out about the idea of putting them down, but i think ill regret it if i dont. Any advice?

Anonymous

Devon says:

If you don’t have to share the letter with the class, and only your teacher will read the letter, you could write something along the lines of:

“I go by they/them pronouns but I’m not ready to come out to the whole class yet, so please use [pronouns] for me when you speak about me in front of the class,” 

and, “Check in with me in [days/weeks/months] to ask me if I want to start using they/them in front of the class,” 

or, “I’ll [send you an email / let you know in person] when I want to start using they/them in front of the class.”

If you do have to share the letter with the class, you could email your teacher the stuff I wrote above, and ask if you can omit your pronouns from the letter (although there is the possibility that a classmate will ask) or let your teacher know that you’re gonna tell the class that you use a different set of pronouns, and would like an opportunity to tell them that you go by they/them later on in the year.

Or check out our coming out page for advice related to coming out, if you decide to do that. There’s stuff in there related specifically to coming out at school, to friends, etc.

A simple “they/them pronouns just make me feel comfortable” and a quick change in subject might suffice, if people ask and you don’t want to talk about your gender identity with them.

Our nonbinary resources include these links as well… You might find some of this helpful in explaining your pronouns to folks, and you could even ask to share some of these resources with the class if you want to (read through them first to see what is relevant to you).

Pronouns:

If you’re very anxious about this, you might find some helpful tips within these mental health resources in dealing with your anxiety/worry.

Hope this helps!

Q:Unsanitary m I got an STP packer a few weeks ago, and I’ve mostly learned how to use it, but I’m having issues with backflow, and with it moving around when I walk. Would a harness solve both of those problems?

Anonymous

Lee says:

A harness would definitely help secure your packer in place so it doesn’t move as much when you walk, yes.

A harness probably won’t help with backflow though- to deal with that, you should try going to the bathroom before you urgently need to go. If you wait to go to the bathroom then it’ll be hard to control the pee flow, and you’re more likely to fill the cup/receptacle of the STP and have it overflow. You should also try positioning the cup/receptacle differently- make sure it’s tilted slightly forward and not tilted back, and that the edges are in the right place- with some packers, the walls of the cup can fold in which makes it more likely to overflow.

More info: Packing and standing to pee

Q:Are there any trans friendly dating apps?

Anonymous

transgenderteensurvivalguide:

Lee says:

I’d be careful of sites that advertise that they’re for trans people but don’t actually seem to be like what a trans person would create, as those are often used by chasers.

Disclaimer- I haven’t used any of the below apps myself, so I’m not sure if they’re very trans-friendly or not in practice. And of course, if you’re under 18 you aren’t supposed to use dating apps so you have to try to meet someone at GSA or any local LGBT events or pride things. 

That being said…

A lot of the dating apps now allow you to choose a non-binary gender, but that doesn’t mean that the people who use the app will be any less transphobic than the general population. Even if you’re able to put your actual gender in the app, people may still fetishize you or be rude and transphobic.

This post has some articles on trans chasers from a transfeminine perspective (defs worth reading for all folks, not just transfeminine ones), and this post has some warning signs from a transmasc perspective.

As always, stay safe.

Followers, any trans friendly dating app suggestions?

Q:Hi, I have a pretty big phobia of needles to the point where I cant even look at them, is there any alternative to injections or at least them specifically in something that looks like a needle?

Anonymous

Lee says:

On mobile go to your web browser like Chrome and type transgenderteensurvivalguide.tumblr.com/faq and please read the FAQ before you send us an ask!

And wouldn’t ya know it, our Transmasculine resources, which is linked to in the faq, has a Testosterone FAQ page which explains the various forms of testosterone- we get this question a lot.

Since you didn’t specify what type of injection you were talking about, feel free to send a follow-up ask with more info if this isn’t what you were talking about.

Q:What is the difference between transmasculine, male-aligned, masculine of center and masculine in nature?

Anonymous

Lee says:

There can definitely be overlap between these terms- some people may identify as multiple of these labels, like both transmasculine and male-aligned for example, while others may only identify as one of them.

Transmasculine (transmasc) is a term used as a self-descriptor by afab trans people who identify with masculinity to a greater extent than with femininity. This doesn’t necessarily mean that they identify as trans men or as male-aligned or boy-proximal, it just means they’re masc-leaning.

Male-aligned is a term used as a self-descriptor by both afab and amab trans people who identify as partially male, or mostly male, or feel a connection to manhood/malehood. And again, someone can be male-aligned without being a trans man.

Boy-proximal (boyprox) is a term used as a self-descriptor by both afab and amab trans people who identify as near to boyhood. A post describing being girlprox is here, and the gender switched version of that is boyprox.

Masculine of center (MoC) is a term mostly used as a self-descriptor by Black lesbian women who identify with masculinity. They may be cis or trans women, and there is some overlap between the term MoC the terms aggressive/AG, stud, and butch. I’m not sure if nb people and trans men can/should use this term- I was part of the Black lesbian community for a few years before I realized that I’m transmasculine, but now I’m not as up-to-date on the WLW community so I’m not an authority on the terms that originated there. 

I haven’t heard much on the term masculine in nature, but I assume it’s another way of saying Masculine of Center.

The difference in the terms can vary by who is using them. For example, two people who identify as male-aligned may have different reasons for doing so, different feelings about their gender identity, and then may define the term in slightly different ways.

I’d also like to note that none of these terms are interchangeable with “trans man”. While trans men often also identify as transmasculine and male-aligned, someone could be male-aligned and non-binary, for example. 

I currently identify as transmasculine because I’m trans and my gender expression is masculine- among other things, I’m on testosterone, I’ve gotten top surgery, I pack, and I only wear men’s clothing. I am transitioning to a place that people view as being more masculine, but I don’t identify as male-aligned because I don’t feel particularly close to manhood and I feel that my gender identity is more neutral like a third gender and not particularly masculine or feminine. So I’m most comfortable identifying as transmasculine but not male-aligned.

Followers, does anyone else want to expand on the difference between these terms?

Q:Any idea why I keep hearing people say that the terms "FTM" and "MTF" are problematic?

Anonymous

Lee says:

Not all trans guys identify as FTM. Some people feel they were never female to start with, they were always male inside and just weren’t able to recognize/express it, or that their body wasn’t female because it’s their body and they aren’t female, so they may not feel comfortable with a term that implies they once were female in some way.

Similarly, not all trans women identify as male-to-female because they may feel they were always truly female, and therefore being called MTF which implies they male may make them feel dysphoric.

Some people do identify as FTM and MTF, and that’s okay and valid. There’s nothing problematic with self-identifying as one of those terms. Some people do feel like before their transition and self-identification, their gender and/or body was that of their axab, and that’s also a normal experience. 

So the terms themselves aren’t inherently problematic because they do fit some people’s self-identification and they way they feel about their transition.

But since not all trans people are comfortable with the XtX terminology, it can be problematic when people treat MTF and trans woman as interchangeable terms, or FTM and trans man as interchangeable terms. 

Self-identifying as FTM or MTF is fine, but using the two as umbrella terms to refer to all trans men or all trans women can be problematic.